


they walk with my heart (not gone)

by SpaceOperetta



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen, the world needed more fic about the summer without barry allen and i am delivering that, written before watching 4x01 but after watching the sneak peek clips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 20:24:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12328230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceOperetta/pseuds/SpaceOperetta
Summary: Barry is gone for six months, Cisco goes through the five stages. Kinda.





	they walk with my heart (not gone)

DENIAL

 

Cisco’s first stop after Barry’s disappearance is S.T.A.R. Labs. It takes some effort to get where he wants to go, but the Time Vault is still there, still pristine. The Reverse Flash’s suit is still on the wall, a reminder of the last time he was in here. (Had he ever been in here alone?)

He walks over to the podium and places his hand where the fake Dr. Wells had, where Barry had, takes a deep breath, and says “Gideon, show me the future.”

FLASH MISSING VANISHES IN CRISIS. 

Published April 25, 2024. Iris’s name is on the byline, as it should be.

The future hasn’t changed. Barry's not dead, just gone. Stuck in the Speed Force. Again

And Cisco will guide him home. Again 

Time to get to work.

 

ANGER

He’s seeing more of Iris - she’s taken over running comms since he’s going out in the field. (Being the hero Barry said he was.) He can’t bring it up to Iris until he’s sure it’ll work - he doesn’t want to hurt her with false hope, and Caitlin is....not here. He almost brings it up to Cindy, but, well, it’s right before she leaves and he doesn’t want to worry her. (She wouldn’t worry about Barry, she’d worry about him)

And it’s not exactly something he can bring up with his therapist - she knows a lot, but he’s not ready to talk about how he thinks his best friend the superhero isn’t dead, just on another plane of reality. He experienced grief - real, aching, ‘go-to-grief-counseling-group’ grief, and this isn’t it. Because Barry’s not dead. He couldn’t save Dante, but he can save Barry.  


Barry’s probably out there living the depression ideal of not existing, but Cisco’s still here. He’s going to drag Barry back into existence so Iris can smile again, so that he doesn’t have to see Wally try and hide his pain with a smile, so that Barry has to come back and live in the timeline he created. Cisco won’t let him leave, not after Barry waltzed in one day and said that Cisco’s entire life - including his brother’s death - only exists because of a mistake Barry made. (Because knowing that you live in someone’s ‘bad timeline’ is really fucked up, and not something you ever truly forget.) Cisco does the best with what he has, because that’s all he can do. He keeps working.

 

BARGAINING

“Tracey, please let me in I need your help on a project I’m working on.” (H.R. is dead but Barry isn’t, but she helps him anyway)

“Hey Tina I heard that Mercury Labs stock went up once S.T.A.R. Labs exploded, any chance you can help me with this project?” (She helps, yes, but also looks at him with worried eyes and offers to recommend a therapist.)

“You said you’d stick around, asshole. That means “for more than a day” here on Earth-1. You can apologize by helping me with this project. I’m going to bring Barry back.” (”Fine”, and they work in silence.)

He visits Felicity and Curtis in Star City. They both look exhausted, but they help.

 

DEPRESSION

God, what if it doesn’t work. What if he tells Iris about it and he can’t make it work, or if Barry doesn’t want to come back, or it’s like season six of Buffy where he does but he’s miserable. Or maybe Barry’s really dead. Maybe he’s doing all this work for nothing and all it does is unleash the Speed Force Storm again and it destroys Central City and it’s all his fault?  
And he and Wally are only human, and, honestly, superheroing hurts. Iris has their backs, and she knows the police scanner codes like nobody’s business, but they’re all new at this. At being a superhero team, at surviving without Barry. 

It’s hard to look at Iris without feeling guilty about his project, and maybe she knows he’s hiding something, but, well, he has to try.

 

ACCEPTANCE

"I can do this. Let’s bring Barry home.”

**Author's Note:**

> listen I banged this out over, like, an hour after having lots of feelings at the clip of tonight's episode where Cisco admits that he's been working on bringing Barry back since the night he left
> 
> it's probably a mess but I DID IT and I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> titled after a lyric from "Those You've Known" from Spring Awakening because my brain made that association and it hurts. (THE GRIEF SONG!)


End file.
